FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL
A constructive way to discuss your failed resolution is to focus on the controllability of the failure. Research shows that most resolutions will require some investment of time and of money.
For example, getting in shape takes time for exercise and also normally requires money for a gym membership or for workout equipment. Because both of these resources are essential for pursuing our goals, many failed resolutions are due to the lack of either time or money, or both.
When talking about a failed resolution in the past, I’ve showed in my own research that we should focus on how lack of money contributed to this failure, rather than lack of time.
In my 2024 study, people read about fictional as well as real panel participants who failed either due to lack of money or lack of time. Most participants felt the person whose failure was caused by lack of money would have more self-control going forward and was going to be more reliable at pursuing their goals.
This effect occurred because lack of money is seen as something that cannot be controlled very easily, so if this caused the failure, there wasn’t very much the person who failed could have done about it.
In this research, most of the failed resolutions were related to weight loss, better eating, or working out in the gym. Participants felt the same whether the person who failed was a man or a woman, presumably because it’s plausible that everyone needs some time and some money to pursue various goals regardless of gender or the specific resolution.
The role of controllability takes a different form when it comes to thinking about how we can do better next time.